matt hackmann - web developer - artist - nerd

I don't usually brag, but I make the Best Fucking Spaghetti Sauce in the world (BFSS for short). Today, I am going to pass on my tried and true formula to you, my adoring Internet audience.

Step 1

Chop some onion, celery and carrots. This is known in the culinary world as mirepoix.

Step 2

Saute your mirepoix in some olive oil along with spices and other things.

Step 3

Apply a healthy dose of magic. This step is critical and you mustn't get it wrong lest you create a hideous food beast.

Step 4

Enjoy over some thin spaghetti. Not that fat stuff. Ideally, you'd also have Parmesan cheese, though I sadly did not for this instance.

Congratulations! You now can make your own BFSS to woo over whomever you please!

So, contrary to what one might believe, my at home eatings do not consist solely of hot pockets and ramen noodles (contrary to what my mother's blog might lead you to believe). Being that I actually have culinary skills, I've made some pretty bitchin' things. There was the potato salad, of course, but here are some other things that have graced my table and stomach.

I used to make a lot of pancakes in college (with various extras) because they're freakin' easy and cheap. Remembering that, relived the experience my first week in the apartment. Also decided to toss in some eggs and sausage because they are quite delicious. The eggs are a little dirty looking because I scrambled them in the sausage grease. Mmmmm......

A couple weeks ago, I got this crazy hankering for a good salad. Just tossed around some lettuce, tomatoes and cheese along with some deli meat I had lying around (it'd have gone bad soon, anyways). It was pretty awesome, but there was actually more than I could handle over the course of several days and the rest had to be tossed. Not used to cooking small quantities, am I.

My supper last night. This is a dish affectionately known in my family as "turkey balls". It's really nothing more than slightly browned balls of ground turkey simmered in some cream of mushroom soup and milk. I also mixed an egg and some breadcrumbs into the ground turkey. On top of rice, this is a pretty awesome meal.

Hello, mother. It has now been over two weeks since I opened my wings and began life on my own. All has been fine with the exception of one problem that seems to have sprung up - your dirty antics with food preparation.

Yes, that's right. You decided that it would be a fantastic idea to make God's gift to man, this Memorial Day weekend. And that gift was potato salad. You made it knowing full well that I would not be there to partake of the feast. You made it knowing full well that it would drag back my brothers who were having a most excellent weekend at my bachelor pad.

Well, despite your best attempts I am not mad. I am not bitter, sorrowful or sad. For you see, Okasa, I am well within the means to make my own potato salad - a potato salad hewn from the kitchen of my own sweat and tears. A march of miles to acquire the ingredients needed to concoct this wonder of man. And, even if your own salad of tubers had been constructed of motherly love, the due hardships that I had to face in brewing my own makes the deliciousness become exponentially more so.

So, there it is, mia madre. You will have to try harder in the future to tempt me with your foody ways. But, beware. This is a road difficult and wrought with many perils, perils such as a public "shaming" on a blog read by scant few per month. Fear what I have created!